Boston Day and Dizzy Dizzy

Yesterday, after much debate and weather watching, my sister, BFF, and I headed off toward Boston.

Our first, most necessary stop, was Starbucks in Lexington. My sister made the big mistake of saying something about if I would lose my Starbucks addiction I'd lose more weight. Oh no... those are FIGHTING words. BFF defended me immediately, saying that in all fairness, I typically only order an Iced Tea. I'm not a sugary, chocolate-y drinker in general. Yes, I order my tea with 2 raw sugars, but if they put them in the shaker half that sugar doesn't make it into my cup. Anyway, she backed down.

We got our drinks and headed down the street on foot to the Lexington Battle Green. A small yet historically significant patch of grass. This was the site of the FIRST fight between the American Revolutionaries and the British in the Revolutionary War.

It's really hit me lately that SOMEHOW in Boston, all of Massachusetts really, they got it right. Somehow they KNEW when these major historical events occurred, that they would matter, and SOMEHOW knew to preserve these things. We got into a great discussion about how the sense of community, something most city's are lacking, is part of what led to the preservation.

After walking around there we headed down to Boston. We went to the North End and were surprised by the Feast of St. Joseph. This translates to massive traffic! LOL But we survived and found parking. We wandered around a bit, hit Faneuil Hall. It was originally a speaking house, where numerous famous speeches have occurred. It's mostly shopping there now, and my sister found her Boston magnet there.

We headed next door to Quincy Market, which is mostly food to walk through. We stopped for some Bubble Tea and then headed out to the Crocs store, one of my favorite stores!

At this point we just kind of started walking, we ended up down a pier and sat down for some much needed rest. We decided it was time to head home, and we started walking back toward the car, but we stopped by the Paul Revere House. It was already closed for the night though. :(

Then of course to Mike's Pastry for some Florentine Canoli's! YUM. We walked on over toward Old North Church. It also was closed, but BFF had been wanting to show me the Dog Tag memorial to honor those who have fallen in the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars we are currently fighting. She had found this over a year, just one month after my other best friend Jessica was killed in action in Iraq. It's not like we've avoided going, but we haven't had the chance. Typically the kids are with us and are getting grumpy and what not. We headed over though and she told me, you're not allowed to cry. LOL She knows how easy I cry. Well, I didn't start crying, but it was touching. Especially because when the wind blows the sounds of the thousands of dog tags jingling next to each other is like a reminder that they may not be with us anymore, but we WILL see them again one day!

Anyway, we headed home then and it was a great day! :)

Unfortunately I woke up this morning dizzy as could be. I almost feel like I'd been drinking, but I KNOW I didn't! UGH. I've been up for about an hour and a half now and I STILL feel dizzy. I've eaten, I've taken my medicine, I've had my coffee, I've had water. I'm STILL dizzy. Even just sitting here, I'm dizzy. *sigh*

We have a LOT of packing to do still. We move next week. We actually can start taking over a few things now, they housing people said they'd leave the garage open for us. But the REAL moving starts next week when they take possession of the house. Monday and Tuesday will be light moving, no trailer, Wednesday thru Friday is when we should have the trailer.

So if I disappear more than usual over the next couple weeks don't be too surprised.

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Remembering

The last couple of days have been a little rough for me. I have been remembering my dear friend, CPL Jessica Ellis, who died in Iraq one year ago yesterday, May 11, 2008.

It has been a year, and yet it still hurts like it was yesterday. She was one of my best friends, a little sister, my confidante, beloved Auntie, and so much more. She was the first person I ever let watch Bug and Peanut. She provided so much laughter to our home. I just have such a huge hole left now, and I don't know that it'll ever be filled completely.

I try to only think about the good times, there were so very many. She and I never really had any bad times.

I remembered beating up the punching bag with her one day at the gym, after her first deployment. She lost some friends that time. I remember she had a lot of aggression that day, it had been building up for a while, and she was beating the bag so hard I could barely hold it still for her. And I outweighed her by nearly twice as much!!! I remember her uttering "take this for..." and "this is for..." They just came so fast, one after the other. When she finally stopped she said she felt better. Well, at work this morning, I was breaking apart boxes during shipment. It has to be done fast, for the most part there isn't time for a box cutter. So I was stomping the one kind of box, hard on each corner to break them. And the more traditional boxes, that are taped shut, those we turn over and punch to break a side free from the tape. The rest is easy. Well, I was stomping and punching like Jess had all those months ago, at least 2 years ago come to think of it! I was internally saying the same things. "Take that!" "This is for hurting my friend." "This is for causing her family this pain" "This is for making Mother's Day such a bad memory for her mom." And like Jess, they just kept coming. Through most of the boxes. Toward the end I was so exhausted, sweat streaming down my face. No tears, I was too angry for tears. And it felt better, just a tiny, little bit, but it did feel better.

Even now though, writing this, it brings tears to my eyes. I still wonder, when it will stop hurting. When will I be able to think about her and NOT start crying. I can talk about her now and be okay, when I think about her being gone though, I cry. Every time. And I'm not sure I mind it to tell you the truth. I don't WANT to NOT miss her.

It's been a rough year without her. Homecoming was the worst. Everyone else came home. She didn't. The memorial's in February were pretty hard too. Seeing her parents again (I had met her Dad just before she deployed, but hadn't met her mom until the funeral). Standing back and just remembering her. Seeing her name in granite on the 2 memorials. That was a tough one for me. And visiting her grave in Arlington was pretty tough. But for some odd reason, yesterday and today have been the worst.

I'm fortunate though. I have wonderful people around me who are understanding an supportive of me. People to hold me while I cry. And my two beautiful daughters who's hugs and smiles have the ability to ease my pain.

Jess, I miss you so much. I wish we'd had more time together in this life. But in the blink of an eye for you, we'll see each other again on Resurrection Morning. I love you girl!

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