Am I too competitive???

It has been brought to my attention that I am too competitive...

I have been told I am incapable of letting someone else win. That if someone takes the lead I HAVE to go back and will play the game over and over til I have that lead again.

I think that is not totally true. Am I competitive, YES. Sometimes the ranks on the games bother me actually, being able to see my friends scores bother me. Mostly because it bothers THEM. I really don't LIKE the feeling of competing against my friends. I just want to beat my own score. But these darn games automatically pit me against my friends. And just when they think they have finally got ahead of me, I move past them and they accuse me of being too competitive and having to win.

It hurts sometimes. I just want to play my best, I want to improve, be better than I was the time before. But all it does is hurt my friends. Sometimes I wish they didn't show me these fun games to play, because I feel like it just ends up hurting them, and me.

So to my friends, I'm sorry. If it's really bothering you that much, please tell me so I can stop playing those games that automatically rank us.

Read more...

What's on tap for the coming week:

As usual we have a busy week ahead of us.

We are in the midst of preparing for the blessed Christmas season and all that it entails. This is such a joyous time for us. I have worked hard to approach it with an open heart and mind. We will be having both my parents and my former husband staying with us. My parents asked this morning for some changes to their dates. It is no problem for us to work with their changes. It will give them a week alone with us before my ex arrives, and then a week with all three of them here, and then they will leave and my ex will be here for a week without them. This is actually a good thing.

We must finish preparing our home for extended company however. And the children are eagerly awaiting putting up the Christmas tree this evening, as am I! :) This is always one of my favorite things to do :)

I am working tomorrow, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. A fairly typical schedule for me.

We are hoping to go do repeat Christmas pictures tomorrow morning as our pictures need to be re-done.

Monday we are going to do the Enchanted Village out near Ikea. I am looking forward to this. :)

BFF and I are re-committing ourselves to our morning workouts. We have slipped a little lately. We've allowed ourselves to get drawn into staying out too late with friends and then been unable to get up at 4:30 am to go to the gym. It does require a certain level of commitment to tell our friends no, because we KNOW we have to get to bed on time. And once her DH transfers (all too soon unfortunately) it's just going to get worse. Instead of getting UP at 4:30 am, we'll need to be LEAVING at 4:30 am and be AT the gym working out at 4:30 am. WOW. We will have to be home for her DH to be leaving for work by 5:45 and the gym is about 20 minutes away. We'll only get 30 minutes in the gym. But it's enough time. IF we are committed to getting out the door RIGHT AWAY. IF we get RIGHT on our equipment once we are there. IF we keep an eye on the clock.

I will try to post a few of my baptism pictures from last week in a little while. BFF is busy working on her new blog background for Christmas so I don't want to bother her too much with it! :P She does SO much for me. :) I really am thankful to have her in my life and to call my Best Friend Forever!! :)

Read more...

No creative title to this Blog.

Sorry I haven't had a chance to update more lately. It's been a long and tiring week. My manager had me on regular cash registers Sunday through Wednesday, because it was going to be so busy. And it was busy, and it wore me out. And BFF and I stayed pretty busy each evening.

Thanksgiving was a great day. We cooked an awesome dinner:
22 lb Turkey
Gravy
Dressing
Red Skinned Mashed Potatoes
Sweet Potato Casserole
Yeast Rolls
Green Beans
Spinach
Cranberry Sauce
Pumpkin Crunch
Pecan Pie

It was ALL made totally from scratch due to the food allergen issues in our home.

Today I was VERY grateful to stay away from the sales. I had to work, and was back to the Service Desk, but it was quickly dubbed the day that "if it could go wrong it WOULD go wrong." Within the first two hours the lottery machine went down, the coinstar machine broke down, it was discovered that certain sales were not ringing up properly in the registers, several gift cards purchased had not been activated yet the customers had been charged for them. We didn't have a regular manager today, it was a department manager who doesn't really know how to handle front end problems... And it continued like this all day long. I was SO glad to walk away from the store today!

I'm looking forward to church tomorrow, hoping for a quiet and peaceful service. A nice down day at home with my family. And maybe some quiet time to myself when the girls take a nap. Maybe I'll work on some of my Bible studies tomorrow.

I hope you all have a Blessed Sabbath. :)

Read more...

Tooting my own horn

Okay, this is one of those things where we all know we aren't supposed to talk about it because either we are being rude to those who are struggling with it or we are just being show off-y.

But you know what, I have been working hard at it and when we work hard at almost ANYTHING ELSE in our lives, we are allowed to toot our own horn. So you know what, I'm going to anyway.

Over the last MANY months I have worked VERY hard to learn self-control, to learn to say no thank you. And to learn what is best for me. I have worked hard to lose weight.

When I was young weight was NOT an issue for me. I was the LUCKY one who could eat ANYTHING and never gain an ounce. And then I got older. I stopped dancing during college and the weight went on. I stopped swimming, and the weight went on. I became and EMT and sat around for 12-24 hours eating fast food and waiting for a call and the weight went on. I am largely to blame for many of those things. I could have found more constructive ways to use my time when I stopped dancing and swimming. I could have worked out on my own, I choose not to. I could have eating healthier and smaller portions, even when eating out frequently, as an EMT, and I could have and SHOULD HAVE worked out more. Those were MY CHOICES. And I will admit to those mistakes.

And then I got married and made the decision to join the Army and lost weight to be able to do so. The day I got married I weighed approximately 175 pounds and wore a size 12 (in 2004). I stand at 5'8". Seven months to the day later, when I left for Basic training, I weighed 168 pounds (not a significant weight loss, but it was a combination of loss of fat and gain in muscle) and wore a size 10.

Approximately 12 weeks later, I left basic training and NONE of my clothes fit. We went to a mall to get me some pants that fit. I could tolerate the shirts hanging on me, but NOT the pants. When we FINALLY found a scale and some pants that fit I was SHOCKED. Basic Training had brought me down to 152 pounds and a SIZE 6! WOW. After AIT (advance training) I was up to about 158 to 160 pounds ( a more manageable weight really) and a size 6-8 depending on the manufacturer. About 2 months later I got pregnant and it was all over.

I had twins, I was told to gain 60 pounds. With a starting weight of 160 pounds, the doctor wanted me to end my pregnancy at about 220 pounds. I ended at 37.5 weeks at 218 pounds. 1 week post partum I weighed 185 pounds, 6 weeks post-partum I weighed 185 pounds, 6 months post-partum I weighed 185 pounds. Seemed like NOTHING I did would take the weight off, I was STUCK at 185. I was in size 12 and STUCK.

And then I gained. In a matter of 6 weeks I sky rockected to over 200 pounds, and within another 6 weeks I was all the way to 220. And I stayed there. Sure I could get my weight up and down a little, but I basically stayed right there. And endured insults from someone who shouldn't have been giving them. I made excuses for that person. Until finally I didn't have to make any more excuses for them. Because that person finally walked out of my life.

Once I started to feel some happiness starting to creep back into my life I started to lose weight slowly, but my own eating habits were not helping me any. Once I got out of that toxic enviornment and was getting healthier meals and encouragement and was even happier the weight starting to come off even more. That was when I made some changes. I started to pay more attention to what I ate, and even started working out somewhat.

Then I got sick last month. I felt like I'd had lap band surgery!! I could barely eat!!! It helped though. I went with it. I worked hard to make sure what I ate COUNTED. I have made sure what I hate was nutritionally dense and good for me. LOTS of protein and veggies, low on refined sugars and processed foods period. I do still fall for my Starbucks drinks, especially with the special Christmas drinks, but I do order non fat, and I limit the number of times I get whipped cream. I eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups EVERY day. But with a purpose. I get a 15 minute break at work. The peanut butter in them provides a GREAT source of protein, and compared to the calories, it's not too bad. It keeps me from being too hungry for the rest of my shift. This is especially important with as little actual food as I am eating lately! The pounds are really coming off lately.

I haven't seen the scale slip below 190 in over 3 years. This morning it read 189.0 I nearly cried.

I pulled out my box of old pants. I pulled out 4 pairs that now FIT, 2 pairs that I decided will never again fit properly due to changes in my body (hips moving out with pregnancy, baby belly), and ONLY put back 4 pair!!! I'm so excited!!!!!!! :)

Read more...

Baptism

Yesterday was an awesome day for me!!!! I was baptized yesterday!

It was an absolutely beautiful service. In some ways it was a total blur, and there are some bits that are crystal clear!! :)

I was so nervous before we left for church. I mean shaking. I don't really know why. LOL But I was a total bundle of nerves. We got to church and it took 2 trips to get all the kids, and our stuff into church. It was a potluck day, as it always is when there is a baptism, and we had brought PLENTY of food!!! LOL.

Then I had to sit and wait. BFF and I ALWAYS sit in the mother's room with the girls. We've tried sitting in the sanctuary with them, but they just don't quite seem ready. So we were in there and all of a sudden I have three people busting down the door "The pastor wants you up front!!" I was stunned. I go tearing out of the mother's room and up to the front. It was right before opening prayer. The pastor wanted to do a special blessing on the other baptismal candidate and myself. :) I was standing there waiting, and suddenly I feel BFF standing by my side. I was happy to have her there. :)

Then it came time to go up and agree to the baptismal vows. And then it was time to get ready. Our church practice full immersion baptism, so we had to go change. BFF came with me, and again, I was glad. I was no longer nervous, but it was just nice to have her there to talk to. And then it was back upstairs and into the tank. The other woman, the pastor, and I stood there and had a few pictures taken. They then invited our families to come forward for the baptisms. One of the other mothers had kept our four girls in the mothers room for us until then and then she let them come out to be there for my baptism. This I remember so clearly. The looks of my daughter's faces as they walked up to the front of the sanctuary grinning and saying "Hi Mommy." And Peanut tried to climb the wall to look in. One of wonderful ladies of the church lifted up each of the four girls up so they could see what was going on.

Then BFF's DH read my testimony for me. I had asked him to read it because BFF had felt that she would start crying if she read it. I will post my testimony later, when I post pictures. Oh, and BFF did NOT cry. :) After our testimonies were read, the other woman was baptized, then it was my turn. :) I was not at all nervous. I was totally ready. I was excited. I took a deep breath and boom, in I went. And I was baptized, it felt so wonderful. A journey that has taken years to get to that point.

It's not an end to the journey though, it's really just the beginning for me, and my girls. In some ways I was so overwhelmed by it that I just couldn't really put it into words. I still can't really. BFF asked me if I felt different. I told her at the time no. But I do. I just can't explain it. It's just a kind of peace.

There's so much more I really want to say, but it's now actually quite late on Sunday NIGHT (not the 9:55 AM that the post CLAIMS to be, that's when I first STARTED typing this). So come back for more of my thoughts on it tomorrow!!! :)

Nique

Read more...

Getting healthy takes work

Yeah, that's right folks, getting healthy takes work. :)

It takes rest, it takes eating right, and lots of good stuff like that. But at LONG last I FEEL HEALTHY finally.

I still have a bit of a nagging cough a times. Mostly in cold outdoor air.

We finally managed to make it to church this past sabbath, and I am SO VERY GLAD. I found out that next sabbath we are having a baptism and I spoke to our bible worker about being baptized. I was supposed to be baptized at the end of the summer before our previous pastor left, but I got sick and it didn't happen. Turns out the bible worker had been thinking about me and planning to talk to me and see if I wanted to. So I am VERY excited that I will be baptized on Sabbath. :) BFF will be taking the camera and promises to take TONS of pictures in between her tears.

Speaking of BFF, she and I have embarked on a new adventure. We are now getting up dark and early to go to the gym. I have had some recent weight loss and it's really energized me. As vain as it sounds (and I know vanity is not really a good thing), it feels really nice when friends and family are telling me how good I look, how they really see the difference. I had joined the YMCA a few months back with all the good intentions but have quite literally found myself too busy to go. I have long followed a website called the "No Excuses Workout System" and one of the comments the gentlemen who sends out daily emails makes is that the earlier you do your daily workouts, the less excuses you can make. He's right. So BFF said she was going to start going to the Y at 5 am, before her DH was up and leaving for work. I said I'd join her. This way we motivate each other to get out of the house. It works. :) It's a little tough at times, when you are tired and wanna sleep in, but it works.

Yesterday we took pictures for our Christmas cards. I am super excited. The previews BFF is showing me look incredible. I did some of the pictures for BFF of their entire family. I don't consider myself to be some GREAT photographer, but put the right camera in my hands (and I own the right camera) and I can take a decent picture. LOL Especially when BFF basically composes the shot and all I really have to do is TAKE the picture. I happened to also snap a couple totally candid shots of all four girls while I was hanging from a tree (don't ask. Seriously, this is one of those things where I obviously learned my photography skills from my dad. Because only one of HIS DAUGHTERS would be in a NICE SKIRT AND SWEATER and dress shoes, hanging by one hand from a tree over an ice cold creek with her several hundred dollar camera... mom, is this ringing ANY bells???? Seriously??? Water, cameras, nice clothes.... at least it wasn't RAINING!!!!!! Sorry to all my other readers, only my mom and dad will understand THIS little rant!!! Oh, and as I was just reminded by BFF... AND the couple hundred dollar BRAND NEW cell phone tucked into my bra that NEARLY fell out into the creek.... Yes, only my father's daughter would do this. Yes Dad, I am your daughter, because only I would resort to such antics in the name of "getting the shot." The only difference is I prefer to photograph people not flowers in pouring down rain.)

ANYWAY....Well, it's about 8 am here and eventually I gotta shower and get the workout sweat off of me so I won't sink at work this afternoon. LOL And I have some ADORABLE little girls who are probably hungry for cereal. :)

Hopefully I can get my blogging back on track now that I am feeling good again!!

Read more...

Still coughing

I am STILL coughing.

I am beginning to think I am asthmatic. To hear me cough you'd sure think so. I sound like BFF's Duck. The problem is... the cough is useless at this point.

Oh well... Just wanted to whine.

Read more...

THIS SICKNESS SUCKS

Seriously... I am so tired of being sick. I must have gotten hit the hardest in the house. I'm still the sickest. Several people are still coughing, including the little ones. But I have been totally out of it.

I had to call out of work for three days. My boss gave me a hassle about it of course. Then there was confusion if I needed to get a doctors note to come back to work. I wasted two hours yesterday going to a drug store clinic and waiting to be seen only to be told (BEFORE being seen fortunately, and before having to pay anything) that they do not write return to work notes. When I called my boss to tell her this she got huffy and said she didn't need a note for me to come back, just if I was going to be out the rest of the week. Grrrr... that wasn't what the OTHER supervisor told me the night before. And that is what I told her.

So she says give me half an hour to figure it out and I'll call you back.

An hour later she calls me back. I don't need a note.

Only problem is, I ended up so stressed out yesterday that I think I'm now sicker today than I was yesterday. *sigh* I work the evening shift tonight. so please cross your fingers and pray that I do okay tonight.

Read more...